Stained Glass Window

(“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”)

Public Domain Image

You may have heard a pastor or friend say “take off your church mask” - a reference to the projected image of perfection we attempt to maintain, usually on Sundays or on social media.  We often buy into the lie that “if you really knew me, you wouldn’t love me” and so we throw up smoke screens or buffers to keep transparency and connection and intimacy at bay.  Only we don’t set it up knowing it would create distance, we set it up in a way that quote unquote protects us or more accurately, distorts our imperfections.  

Just the other day, a friend of mine was sharing his journey into Step 6 (Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character) and I was impressed with an image of a stained glass window.  What I saw was my friend standing behind a stained glass image of himself and holes being broken into the glass; I understood these “holes” to be his character defects as they were illuminated to him in his step journey.  But behind the image, he was frantically trying to pick the broken pieces back up and reassemble them into the false image in front of him.  I think, when we concentrate on the defects of character, we are missing the point - and especially when we focus on restoring our image instead of restoring transparency.  And that’s what I shared with him: we (all of us) need a change in perspective.  We need to align our actions as such that full transparency is our goal instead of maintaining our projected perfection.

We have a tendency to panic when our house of cards appears to be failing or has already fallen down and I believe that to be a natural response; but realize that it is our sin nature’s natural response.  God has called us and designed us for community and even if “good fences make good neighbors”, barriers of any kind do not foster friendship or connection.  Boundaries are important and healthy and necessary, but please be aware of what you may be holding in instead of only looking at who/what you are keeping out.  James 5:16 (NIV) says “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.  The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”  

I know it is scary and we may in fact feel the rejection we so desperately want to avoid, but being true to ourselves is a necessary step to experience growth and acceptance.  If we only let people see and experience the stained glass version of ourselves, there will still be room for the lies to creep in and whisper “If they really knew you, they wouldn’t love you”. 

And if we keep up our buffers and walls to maintain distance, we don’t allow anyone an up close and personal look at our beliefs and decisions to receive advice and guidance.  And most importantly, if we never take the cover off our past, exposing our hurts and scars, we can never receive validation or healing or empathy for our pain.  

Please do not share intimate details of your life or past haphazardly - but I want to encourage you to change your mindset; change directions.  And instead of expending energy rebuilding a projection, use your energy to allow yourself to be discovered.